Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
