8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
