shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I am morally bankrupt
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
