I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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