if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize