I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
