Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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