they need to just BURY HIM!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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