so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
