We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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