just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
