oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
