maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
