she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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