Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
