I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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