DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
