I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
