she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize