One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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