I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
