just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
