Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
