just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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