Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
