Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
