If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
