I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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