If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
