If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
