i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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