It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
