At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
