The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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