Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
