I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize