The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
