Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
