i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
