Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
