we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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