John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she smelled like a LAN party
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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