I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
