My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
