covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize