I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
