Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
