is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
