I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Non-Jews are for practice
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
