he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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