Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
