Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
where am i from again
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
