Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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