Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
