Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
