Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am naked and annoyed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
