Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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