party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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