dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
