i think my tv is drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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