I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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