i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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