i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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