i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
