I love black thongs
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
