is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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