I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Send help, water and tortillas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize