I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
