you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
