soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
