She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
