Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize