We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
