Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
