She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
