escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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