they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
