@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize