I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
