i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
