I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
