Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
