Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize