Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
