The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
