he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
