I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize