i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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