it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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