Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
