Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
