Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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