A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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