I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
