I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize