There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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