In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
